


Love is a Rebellious Bird

by Miss_Von_Cheese, nausicaa82



Series: Pippa and Steve [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Anal Sex, Angst, Domestic, F/M, Jealousy, Memory Alteration, Misunderstandings, Operas, Rimming, Rough Sex, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Workplace, evil exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-31 03:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Von_Cheese/pseuds/Miss_Von_Cheese, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausicaa82/pseuds/nausicaa82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pippa and Steve celebrate their six month anniversary and run into one of Pippa's old flames who would like to win her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fifth part in our series, and as such makes lots of references to the previous installments of [Pippa and Steve's story](http://archiveofourown.org/series/47198).
> 
> This also makes references to Miss_Von_Cheese's story [Pippa's History: Bye, bye cellist](http://archiveofourown.org/works/810851). I don't think reading the previous stories is absolutely necessary, but I would recommend it for clarity.

At 4:00 pm precisely, Pippa sent a few emails to make sure most of the agents working in the same open plan office as Steve would be busy somewhere else. She closed the blinds of her windows and quickly changed into her new Audrey Hepburn-inspired black evening dress. She did her hair in a few minutes, pulled on the elbow length matching gloves and placed her engagement ring over her finger. Before leaving her office she checked her messages one last time as well as her make-up, and saw that she had a text from Steve-- a little heart.

Poor boy had seemed so frustrated when she had asked him to let her plan their six month anniversary! He seemed lost and useless, unsure of what to do if he couldn’t please his girl, but Pippa wanted this one because she was in the best relationship of her life and she wanted to celebrate every milestone, no matter how small. In the elevator, Pippa checked her reflection one more time. 

“Going undercover, Coulson?” Jasper asked when she walked by him in a corridor. Pippa just shrugged with a mysterious smile. Only a few agents remained on this floor but Pippa felt their curious looks; she tried to ignore them, tried not to see the mocking ones or the jealous ones either. She had to play a role, be overly confident for her little surprise to work. Yes, she was showing off. But this relationship she had built with Steve, she was proud of it, almost as proud as she was of her career.

When she walked towards them behind the desks, a wide eyed Clint choked on his coffee and Natasha had to slap his back, rolling her eyes. Pippa shamelessly sat on the edge of Steve’s desk, just for a few seconds, and handed him two tickets for _Carmen_.

"Captain Rogers, I heard you were allowed to leave early today. You’d better suit up, you’ve got a date at the opera tonight," she smiled.

"The _Met_?” Steve’s eyes widened and he matched her smile. “I’ve never been before, and I’m not sure I have something that can stand up to that amazing dress you’re wearing. You look breath-taking. Will my suit be ok?” He took her hand as she gave him the tickets and kissed at her fingers. 

"It’ll be perfect, don’t worry." Pippa hid her glee, from his surprised face she could guess it had been a good choice. She leaned in to get close to his lips but withheld the kiss at the last second. “Meet me there in two hours?” And she left him at his desk, happy with her little scene. When she got into the elevator Clint was already there. He seemed to hesitate for a while but just before the doors opened, he nodded slowly.

"You… the first time I saw you as a woman I thought you looked confident and really cool but now… I mean, with all due respect, Coulson, you know I’m not trying to flirt or anything. I just don’t see how you could be different, you —you’re awesome, boss. For real."

Pippa bit her bottom lip with a smile and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Barton. Keep up the good work. On the field and with Romanov.”

Steve was already dialing Tony’s number before the elevator doors closed.

"Tony?"

"Captain what’s goin—"

"I need a tux. Where do I buy a tux?"

"Oh, for the wedding, right? Well see, no, Cap, you don’t buy a tux, you have one made. I have a   
guy I’ll send you to next week and he’ll—"

"No, I need one in two hours," Steve cut off.

"Oh, that’s not how it really works, especially for a guy like you. You can’t just get something off the rack.” 

“But I need something nice for tonight!” he almost whined. Natasha took the phone from his hands, apologized to Tony and hung up. 

“Your charcoal suit will be fine, Steve, but if you would like we could go get you a nicer tie. 

"Thanks, Natasha. Let’s hurry, I don’t have much time."

\--

With five minutes to spare, Steve stepped out of a cab in front of the opera house in his fitted suit with a new blue tie that Natasha swore brought out his eyes. Standing by the grand fountain, he tried finding his fiancee in the crowd of people dressed in their best. When he finally saw her, he put his arm up to give a little wave until she looked like she recognized him back.

Pippa had been slightly early, as usual, basking in the atmosphere of the place. She wasn’t fond of luxury and didn’t always like the pretentious snobs you could meet there, but the pleasure of the opera, the music, the grand love stories made her feel romantic. Spotting Steve, she grinned; he looked stunning. 

She started to walk to him, barely seeing the shadow moving towards her; when Alan showed up, blocking her path, Pippa tensed, her body sensing a potential threat. Steve picked up the pace to join them when he saw the guy lightly touch at Pippa’s elbow.

"Pippa! Darling, it’s been a while!" Alan smiled and Pippa took one step back with a defiant look. He always looked so nice, so polite, so perfect at first, everybody always loved him so much. Pippa instinctively looked away. She wanted to reply, tell him she wasn’t his darling anymore but she saw Steve coming closer and she tried to act normal, not to alarm him.

"Alan, what a pleasant surprise!" she lied courteously. "How is Portland?"

Alan took her hand with a warm smile that made her uncomfortable. “Wonderful but I missed the Met, and the lovely New Yorkers…”

"There you are Sweetheart!" Steve called as he neared them. He stepped next to Pippa’s, immediately wrapping his left arm around her waist, looking into her eyes and kissing her cheek. After a beat, he turned to the man— who was holding Pippa’s hand— and acted as he if hadn’t seen him at all.

"Oh, a friend of yours, dear?" He pulled her slightly more towards him as he sized the other up. While he wasn’t quite as big as Steve, he still had a good build, looked like he could handle himself, and had a confidence and comfort in his tuxedo that Steve felt he couldn’t match. 

Pippa leaned her head on Steve’s chest for a second then moved back; she didn’t want Alan to believe she needed a man to protect her. But right now she felt ashamed for feeling she did need one indeed.

"Steve, this is… Alan, he’s a musician," she explained. Seeing him like this, so confident and charming, she remembered why she had fallen for him the first time, why she had chosen to ignore the hurtful words from the beginning. Pippa hoped he wouldn’t say anything to contradict her as he usually did, but old habits die hard.

"We used to date! The best months in my life." What a liar, why did he complain all the time then? "And I see you’ve changed a lot," Alan judged, avidly looking at Pippa’s bust and hips. He lowered his voice and moved forward, “My offer still stands if you need help to pay for your surgery...”

"Adam, was it?" Steve interrupted, trying hard to keep his jealousy in check with this creep’s lecherous stares at Pippa. But when he heard the jerk’s offer, his eyes squinted and his whole body tensed, only Pippa’s touch kept him from decking this guy right then. 

"It’s Alan," the musician corrected, still looking at Pippa.

"Well, Alvin, I can understand where you’re coming from…" Steve grabbed his hand, commanding his attention, and squeezed a little harder than he knew he should as they shook. "…I myself have never been happier than I have since Pippa and I have become engaged."

Alan whimpered and held his slightly tweaked hand in the other, now giving the blond a look over.

"It’s _Alan_. Engaged, huh? What is it that you do, Steve?”

"I’m a personal trainer."

"Well, that explains it, you’re the one who’s been working on perfecting Pippa."

"No, that’s not it at all," Steve sighed and actually started feeling sorry for this idiot. He was obviously blind and stupid if he had been with Pippa but unable to see what a treasure she was. "She was always perfect."

She really didn’t like where the conversation was leading, both annoyed by Alan’s unbearable behavior as always and surprised by Steve’s defensiveness, so Pippa slightly pulled her fiancé’s arm with a smile.

"We’d better go get our seats, Dear," she announced. "I don’t wanna miss the opening!"

"Absolutely," Alan approved. "It would be a shame to miss one second of this masterpiece. The lead singer is a close personal friend of mine."

Pippa pulled Steve away from their unwanted guest and started walking fast towards the entrance. He had wanted to stay and pound this guy into the pavement, but Pippa had gone through a lot of work for tonight, and he didn’t want to ruin it by doing something rash.

"Bye, Alton!" Steve called over his shoulder as Pippa took him into the theater. Pleased to see the man look more upset that Steve wouldn’t call him by his correct name, Steve tried to tame the gnawing jealousy and urge to protect Pippa that was dominating his thoughts. When they settled in their box seats, he saw her still fidgeting hands, slightly twitching leg, and darting eyes. 

"I am so sorry. I didn’t expect to run into him," she apologized, hoping that they wouldn’t see him anymore that night, the bad memories starting to ruin her pleasure.

"There’s no need to apologize, Sweetheart." He held her hand and caressed it with his thumb, trying to help her calm down. "We can still have a good night, right?"

The interaction had brought up a question Steve wanted to ask her, but the lights were starting to dim as the orchestra warmed up.

"Yes… yes, you’re right," Pippa sighed. She leaned in and kissed Steve on the lips for a couple of seconds before a rich woman sitting behind them called them out in a cold tone.

"Could you please behave, we are not in a theater!" Caught in the act, Pippa and Steve couldn’t help chuckling like scolded teenagers before they turned toward the stage.


	2. Chapter 2

"See, it’s one of my favorite stories. Carmen is such a colorful and complex woman," Pippa quickly whispered. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw her ex looking at her from one of the grand tier boxes. He was focused on her, not even trying to watch the stage, and Pippa shifted, uncomfortable. She ostensibly held Steve’s hand, tried to relax and get lost in the music.

Steve was trying to pay attention to the performance-- the costumes and set design were so eye catching and well done, but from Pippa’s touch and breathing it was obvious to him she was distracted. When he glanced over to her, she was looking up and away from the stage.

Following her eyes, he saw Alan staring back at her and the familiar feeling from his younger days caused him to swallow. _Maybe she doesn’t want to be here with you, maybe she wishes she was here with him instead... someone obviously more accustomed and comfortable with such refined things... who would know the singers… who would pay attention to the music and not the colors of costumes, who obviously fit in with this crowd… knowing not to be so affectionate and when to clap... who had a selection of tux suits just for the opera…_

She knew the act by heart and appreciated this version but she had had a hard time focusing, feeling observed, scrutinized. She almost feared the inevitable feedback that always came afterwards with him. _Act more feminine when you’re in a public place, don’t laugh so loud, control your voice._

The audience’s applause at the end of the first act brought both of them out of their spiraling thoughts and the two of them got up for the intermission. Seeing the lines starting to form, he excused himself. “I’ll get us some drinks, white wine ok? “

"Sure, good idea!" Pippa nodded absently. She rushed to the ladies’ room to be sure not to meet Alan on the way. In front of the mirror she tried to think about the last six month, the best in her life. Steve was loving, patient, always there for her. He did everything for their relationship to work, and even more to make her happy, all the time. He had been the most caring and passionate lover she had ever taken.

Pippa carefully splashed water on her cheeks. She saw the very young woman at the sink next to her, so pretty with her smooth olive skin and her soft features. She remembered, looking at her own reflection, how Alan always talked about that friend of his, a cosmetic surgeon who could give her a face lift and a reshape her square jaw for a reasonable price. She never wanted to do it, of course. That wasn’t her. But next to the pretty teenager she suddenly felt heavy, awkward and ugly, a sentiment she hadn’t missed. A sentiment she still didn’t know how to fight, even after all those years.

As Steve made his way around the lobby with two glasses of what Alan supposed was a really cheap wine, the cellist approached him for a friendly gentlemen talk.

"Steve, how are you liking the opera? This version is amazing, right? So much better than Santa Fe’s production last year. You must be a man of taste if Pippa chose to date you, she wouldn’t pick a _boy_ just for his physique,” he smiled, his tone casual.

"I’m enjoying it very much," Steve clipped back and turned away, looking up at the Chagall painting. He didn’t want to give any kind of signal that he was interested in talking. This guy perhaps was elegant and good-looking and obviously could talk about music and a lot of things Steve couldn’t, but he didn’t have to rub Steve’s face in it.

"She’s grown pretty feminine since I last saw her. But you know what her problem always was? She doesn’t know when to let her man be in charge. She doesn’t understand she’s got to be less stubborn if she wants to pass.” 

The man continued on, talking about Pippa in such a crass manner it made Steve’s blood boil. He realized Alan maybe had a nice exterior but underneath he was lower than Steve or any of the “unrefined” people Steve had grown up with. Steve was trying to be restrained, but when Alan talked about being intimate with Pippa, he couldn’t hold back any more.

“And those trust issues…! She’s too sensitive and prudish, how I tried to convince her again and again to accept you know, ‘from behind.’ It would have made it so much easier to actually think of her as an actual woman."

Steve looked around, they were in a security camera blind spot and no one was paying them any attention. He placed a heavy hand on the back of the musician’s neck, squeezed, and leaned in close to whisper.

"Listen here, ya bastard." Steve’s Brooklyn accent slipping through with his cold rage. "You will never, _never_ , speak of my future wife like that again. Where I’m from, I’d be justified in beating the snot out of you for just half of what you said.” Steve smiled at some people passing by, giving all appearances that nothing was wrong.

"You’re going to excuse yourself and leave before the second act. I’m not going to allow you to ruin our special night. I was quite content to ignore you, but you can’t quit, can you?

“Pippa’s problem is you. You’re nothing but a bully, and I… hate... bullies.” Steve accentuated each word with a tighter squeeze to Alan’s neck. “Ah, here she comes now. Remember: you’re going to say you aren’t feeling well and then leave.”

"If I don’t?," Alan volleyed.

"Then I’ll _make_ you not feel well, and you’ll leave. Either way, you aren’t staying for the second act, and I’d prefer not to get blood on my new tie.”

"Are you threatening me?"

"I thought it was rather obvious I was." Steve patted at Alan’s neck and then moved towards Pippa, offering her glass and kissing her cheek again.

"So, I came over to say good night," Alan smiled, quickly hiding his discomfort behind a charming grin. "I am so sorry my dear but I just don’t feel really well… must be something I ate, I was in Brooklyn for lunch and… you know how dodgy things from there can be."

Pippa nodded, shook his hand but snapped hers back when he tried to kiss it. She could tell he was lying, she knew him after all, but she couldn’t care less.

"It was a pleasure to see you again," the cellist grinned.

Pippa wanted to tell him that it had been anything but a pleasure to see him, but she didn’t want to show Steve this part of her life she was so ashamed of. 

“If you’ll excuse us now, we have an anniversary to celebrate.” She grabbed Steve’s arm and slowly made their way back towards their seats, still concerned about this encounter. 

"Really sorry, sweetheart. I know it’s never pleasant to meet exes but,” she paused, “he’s not too bad."

“ _Not too bad_?” Steve thought. Pippa seemed to have no idea what kind of jerk Alan really was.

"I think he regrets it being over. He may have a refined ear, but he certainly seems blind to great beauty when it is right in front of his nose." Steve was sure Alan was a fool, the way he had described Pippa hadn’t sounded like her at all. Despite any bad looks from those surrounding them, he couldn’t resist to lean in and kiss her once more before the second half started.


	3. Chapter 3

As the orchestra started playing again, Steve reached over to hold her hand resting in her lap. He was Captain America; if he could save the world, he would certainly save this night.

Pippa didn’t manage to really get into the show, too obsessed with the bad turn of events and the fear that Steve would be mad at her for never telling him about her exes. She never mentioned them to make sure Steve wouldn’t feel threatened, or jealous, and mostly because she didn’t want to admit how weak she had been sometimes. She couldn’t bear to have made bad choices. Yet, during the final scenes she couldn’t contain her tears and smiled when a handkerchief magically appeared to wipe her cheeks.

As they slowly walked out of the opera house, Pippa was still silent, lost in her thoughts. The night had fallen, a bright moon was rising in the dark sky. She pointed at a fancy Italian restaurant across the street.

"I thought we could have dinner there," she explained. "The owner is a friend, we’ll be able to get a table."

They kept walking slowly, not finding the romantic mood Pippa had desperately wanted to set for the night. But as they passed by the grand fountain, Pippa stopped and turned to Steve, raising on her toes to kiss him passionately under the moonlight.

Steve’s shock faded immediately and with a pleased sigh he lifted her easily so she wouldn’t have to strain to reach him. Usually he would be uncomfortable with kissing so ardently in public, but tonight he wanted all of New York to know that she was his and he was damn lucky to have her.

When she pulled away he chased after her lips, giving her a few more kisses before putting her down and the both of them laughing at how they were acting like teenagers, not the deadly soldiers they were.

At the restaurant, the owner fawned over Pippa, praising her in an English-Italian mix going on and on about her saving his daughters during an attack. He sat them at clearly one of the best tables even though they were busy with the post-opera crowd. After ordering their drinks, Steve cleared his throat.

"You know what my favorite part of the Opera was?" She arched her eyebrow in the way that drove Steve wild. "That I was there with you. The way you look tonight, with your hair, your dress… so beautiful you could stop traffic."

Pippa felt herself blush as if it were their first date. She took his hand, looked down as he kissed her fingers. “You have no idea Steve… no idea how much I love you. I —I’m really happy with you. You’re the best.”

The waiter brought them a small bottle of frizzante and filled their glasses while they ordered the finest dishes. Pippa was starting to feel slightly better. Good food, good wine and a warm but fancy atmosphere would make her definitely forget about bad times.

After the main course Steve excused himself, always blushing as if going to the bathroom was an embarrassment, and Pippa couldn’t help discreetly checking her phone for news from S.H.I.E.L.D. She constantly made efforts to forget about work, and when she had to make sure everything was okay she tried to do it when Steve wasn’t looking, even though she wasn’t sure she could really fool him. This time however, she regretted her action when she saw the text.

[ _It was lovely to see you again, Pip. We should definitely have dinner sometimes, what do you think? I miss you. PS: I have coupons for cooking lessons. Al_ ]

Pippa closed her eyes, sighed and hit the “ignore” button.

\--

"You’ve been awfully quiet since the entree, Pippa," Steve started as they were finishing the last bites of the cheesecake slice they had split for dessert. "And I think I know why."

Her fork stopped half way between the plate and her mouth, and Steve almost thought for a second she looked afraid. He quickly put down his fork and reached for her hands to comfort her.

"No, no, there’s no need to worry— I got you a present for our anniversary! I didn’t forget; I just didn’t want you to open it—" his voice cracked a bit, and dropped. "in front of other people. It’s more… private." Pippa went in a few seconds from surprised to sorry, then curious. She smiled softly, touched by his attentions.

"I… I didn’t think you wouldn’t get me something, I’m starting to know you," she admitted. "But I totally forgot about that, to be honest. You are the best of presents anyway; you here with me… going to the opera with such a gentleman and not alone as usual, that’s already a great night. I don’t need more."

They tried in vain to pay for their meal, Lorenzo refusing that _la signorina_ Coulson gave him money when she had already given him back his dear daughters. When they got into the cab, Pippa was anxious about the mysterious present. She wanted to know now, what could be so private that it couldn’t be opened in public? As she snuggled against Steve on the back seat the driver, a young woman, praised them for looking so in love. Pippa smiled and promised herself to leave a good tip.


	4. Chapter 4

Back at home, _their home_ , (and damned if Steve didn’t just love calling it that every chance he could), he pulled out the thin box wrapped in a blue bow from his nightstand. As he handed it to her, his hand slightly shook and he worried his lip.

The evening she had put together— the opera, the dinner, her dress— was so elegant and he felt like his gift was juvenile and cheap. He had worked on it the past month when she had been away on missions and even waking up for a few hours a night while she slept when she was home. The only thing he had spent any money on was to have it printed and bound so it would feel like a real comic book. 

Alan wouldn’t have given her a gift like this, he would have given jewelry or a fur or taken her to Paris or Rome or… Steve wanted to take the box back, to come up with something else, but it was too late. 

Pippa fell silent as she looked over the cover of the comic book. At first she had thought it was a real issue of _Captain America_ , perhaps a special one off because she didn’t recognize this art style. But when she finally read the title slowly, _The Adventures of Agent Coulson and Captain America_ , and realized what it was about, she couldn’t even breathe. It was better than everything she had ever dreamed of, more than living adventures with her childhood hero-- she was now a comic heroine, too.

She went through half of the book, admiring the artwork, she couldn’t believe it had been hand made by Steve himself, just for her. After a few seconds she abruptly closed the book with a childish gasp, sounding exactly like she was seven again.

He was looking down, not wanting to see the disappointment he thought would be on her face, but heard her flipping through the pages— a classic comic book story of two people falling in love on a dangerous mission to save the world from an evil super villain. It wasn’t their story, but more simplistic and sensational, just like how the _Captain America_ comics were in the 1940s. However, there were elements, nods, and inside jokes only the two of them would know were true. Steve took a deep breath and was about to start apologizing.

"No!" She blinked, looked up at Steve. "No! I don’t wanna see the end before I read it! No spoilers!" Hands shaking, Pippa sat on the edge of the table; with her feet dangling she looked even younger. She chewed on her bottom lip.

"Steve, this is so… wow! Just wow! W-when? How? This is so wonderful, so…" Unable to find the right words to express her gratitude and emotions, she just wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, talking in a muffled voice.

"Thank you so much Steve. This is amazing. I feel so stupid with my date, that was so lame compared to what you did for me!" She kissed his cheek, his lips, nuzzled his neck. "When I was a kid-- when I was a kid I would read my _Captain America_ comics out loud and, y’know… make different voices for the characters… will you do it with me tonight? I can’t go to sleep without reading all of it, that’s just not possible!"

"You actually like it?!" Steve suddenly felt foolish for his self doubt, seeing the sparkle in her eye.  
"Why do you feel bad? It was an amazing date! It was worth sitting in my suit all night just to see you all dolled up like a movie star… but maybe we could get into something a bit more comfortable before we start reading?" He kissed her nose and lead her to their bedroom.  
"Besides, I need some time to work on my Agent Coulson voice," he teased. 

Pippa kissed him again, she removed her dress and carefully folded it on a chair, then removed her gloves, shoes, garters and stockings, unaware of the glamorous show she was giving. She loved her lingerie but how could she have thought about it when there was a brand new and exclusive Captain America issue to read?

Keeping only her panties she snuggled against Steve’s side, her cheek on his bare chest, and started reading the comic. Steve’s impersonation of her made her laugh, he was better than she thought! He knew her accent, her intonations, her manners.

"The art is gorgeous," she murmured as she looked at a wide double spread. "You outdid yourself!" Too focused on the book and Steve’s tender embrace she didn’t notice the short vibration coming from her phone still in the kitchen. 

"I had a very inspirational muse for it— Captain America’s number one fan." He kissed the top of her head and continued to read the rest of the story. Her hand was softly rubbing and tickling at his hip bone like a kitten kneading.

By the time they finished the book, the last page had the Agent and Captain passionately kissing as the villain’s lair exploded in the background, Steve could no longer hide his body’s reaction to her earlier strip tease, her hands on him, her soft warm skin pressed against his. The book had blocked how the duvet was tenting and when Pippa took it back, he felt the heat in his cheeks increase.

"So, did you like it? I know it’s not like the modern books they make…"

"It was fantastic!" Pippa smiled, eager to read it one more time to catch all the little details she hadn’t noticed. "So great, I loved the old fashioned feel… the backgrounds… you’ve put so much effort into it!"


	5. Chapter 5

She set the book on her bedside like a treasure, already thinking about the perfect place on her shelves for it. She would have to find a good display rack to put it, something great enough for this special issue. As she noticed Steve’s state she looked down with a sorry pout.

"Oh, I —I’m sorry sweetheart, I… am not really in the mood right now; I just… sorry, really. You can go… um, take a shower if you want, I don’t mind. I mean… you know."

Pippa knew deep inside that she had nothing to fear or be sorry about, Steve had always, always been sweet and understanding with her, he had never insisted or implied that she wasn’t a good girlfriend when she wasn’t in the mood. But to tell him to go do it alone on their anniversary? She was mortified. She knew she could force herself, and it would be good, with Steve it couldn’t be otherwise, but the ghost of her anxiety haunted her. A faint feeling that had her craving to just be held but unable to ask.

Steve just shook his head and kissed her cheek. “That’s alright sweetheart, I know it’s been a long day.” He had learned that Pippas moods weren’t always about him, that he shouldn’t take them personally, but the slight hurt of rejection was still there.

"I am just going to get some water, for both of us. " He adjusted himself and went of to the kitchen. Standing at the sink drinking, he heard Pippa’s phone constantly buzzing.

Looking at it he saw there were eight new messages, sighed thinking it was S.H.I.E.L.D., and brought it back to bed with a bottle for her. Just as he got to the room it buzzed again, and out of habit he looked down and saw it was from a number he didn’t recognize.

[ _I can’t sleep remembering how talented with your tongue you could be when you made an effort._ ]

Steve paled and tossed the phone at the bed like it had bit him. “Sorry, I … I thought Fury was trying….. I didn’t mean to read that.” Embarrassed and confused, Steve put down her drink and went into their bathroom.

Pippa wondered for a second what had gotten into him, he had dropped the phone like it was burning. She quickly read all the texts, getting paler with every word. Her breath caught when she got to the one he had read, and she was sweating when she put down the phone again. She felt personally attacked, threatened and humiliated by Alan’s words, his insistence, but to know that Steve had read them was even worse.

She got up, unsure of what to do, take care of Steve first or solve the problem. She hadn’t wanted Steve to know about the bad times in her life yet it was too late, he was involved now. So she called Alan, sitting on the edge of the bed, her fist closed on the sheet. She was so angry, so furious it was Agent Coulson who spoke.

"Listen," she stated without giving him the opportunity to talk. "You are going to stop with the texts. Don’t send any messages. Don’t call. Forget me."

"But, Princess…"

"I am not your fucking princess!" Pippa shouted, more worried about Steve than anything else. "Do you remember I almost broke your arm? Do you remember why? Now let me tell you next time there will be no ‘almost.’ I am engaged now and it’s not to you, is that clear?"

She ended the call before he could reply, pulled on one of Steve’s shirts, and opened the door to the bathroom, distressed and afraid of Steve’s reaction.

Steve was so confused - angry, hurt, but most of all scared that the best thing in his life was slipping away from him again. He had sat on the bath mat, his knees up to his chest, just trying to figure out what he could do but feeling like he couldn’t do that much. He wanted to hurt the sender of the text so much, (especially because he had a feeling who it was), but if he was what Pippa wanted, where her true love was… Steve couldn’t deny her that. He loved her so much and wanted her happy, even if that meant she wasn’t with him.

He heard Pippa’s muffled shouts through the door, not really able to pick out what she was saying. Then the click of the door and her light footsteps on the tile made him look up, his eyes rimmed red.

"I—I am sorry, Pippa. I didn’t mean to look at your… " He was quiet for a second and rested his head against her, smelling the perfume still on her skin, relishing how beautiful she was even in just one of his over sized shirts.

"I see how men look at you, how they want to be with you. I know I’m not as refined or know how to give you certain things like they can…" He felt so inadequate. "I’m just a kid from Brooklyn, and you… you deserve everything you want."

"Oh no, no, Steve…" Pippa shook her head slowly and knelt in front of him. She started to unfold him as she spoke, placed his arms around her and took his face in her hands. "It’s not your fault, I’m so sorry you had to see this."

She lifted his chin, worried that he could think less of her. “Listen, while I don’t think lovers should read each other’s private correspondence, I have nothing to hide. You know who sent these and seeing how disrespectful they were I understand that you’re furious. You have every right to be. I should have changed my number when I broke up with him. He knows I have someone important in my life.”

Pippa ran her fingers in his hair, only realizing as she said it how much of a hypocrite she was being. She said she had nothing to hide, yet she never really talked about Alan to Steve, how could she expect him to believe her?

"What I had with him was bad. The problem with toxic people is that you don’t realize at first that they are. I’ve always thought I could handle myself, that I was strong and brave but you know me, you know that alone at home I’m a real kitten." Pippa blushed. "So when he saw me alone at the opera that day, when he made his move, the poor ugly duckling met the brilliant cellist, and…"

"It’s not your fault, Sweetheart. I just… I want you to be happy, and I was worried you didn’t see how much of a bastard he was… is… that there would be nothing I could do or say to warn you that wouldn’t seem like a possessive jealous ex if you went back to him." He held her a little tighter, subconsciously wanting her to stay with him, not to leave him.

She looked at Steve, the way even in such a sad moment he admired her. That was the real difference between them. When she wasn’t okay, when she felt bad, Alan always used these moments to try to change her. Make her a better girl, he said, pretending it was only for her. But Steve, he never missed an opportunity to tell her, to show her how perfect she already was, and how she didn’t need to change.

Pippa looked down, sighed softly. “Don’t be jealous, please. I don’t think I could ever prefer someone to you. It’s so embarrassing to admit I could be with such a jerk. I didn’t want you to know because I feel so stupid… but I really thought I couldn’t find someone to treat me better. Someone like you."

"He’s the idiot to not have cherished you." Steve turned his head and kissed the inside of her wrist.

She pushed a strand of hair behind his ear, worried. “I don’t understand why, when you’re so perfect, you’re still so insecure. I love you so much the way you are.”

His shoulders lowered with the affirmation of her affection for him, and he then noticed how cold he was sitting around in just his boxers. He stood and then helped her up, hugging her from behind as they returned to their warm bed. 

"I guess for the same reason you feel insecure even though _you_ are so perfect,” he countered back and kissed her on the nose. Under the covers, he wrapped his arms around her, tangling his legs with hers.

"I— I don’t know how… why he never found me good enough," Pippa confessed softly as the words burned her throat. "And yet I am perfect for someone like you. You’re so much better than him on every level… he’s all about the facade, and you’re a really good man inside and out."

Her voice broke and all the tension from the last hours dropped low, she buried her face in his neck with a whimper. “Shit, I ruined everything, I just didn’t want you to know he’s a jerk, I just wanted you to have a good night!”

"Hey, hey now. Shhhh, no." He cradled her and softly rocked back and forth. "You’ve done nothing wrong, and nothing’s been ruined. I’m having a great night— sure, there were some… less than great moments, but I got to see a beautiful production of an opera and see a Chagall masterpiece in person. I had dinner at a premiere restaurant in the best city in the world. You even liked my little gift I gave you, and most importantly, all’s well that ends well. I’m here in a big warm bed with the beautiful and deadly, femme fatale, Agent Coulson." 

He tried to catch her eyes as he playfully smiled, but she wouldn’t look at him. With a sad sigh, he rubbed her back in slow circles with his hand. "You are so worried about my night, what would it take for your night to be not ruined?"

'Just change me, make me someone else,' she wanted to say but she knew that was not the kind of answer Steve would take. So she rubbed her nose, turned around in the bed to catch her cellphone and showed Steve the screen.

"See? I’m blocking his number. He won’t know he’s blocked and I won’t get anything from him again." Steve’s smile, a desperate attempt to cheer her up, only broke her heart a little more as she rested her head on his chest, unsure she would manage to sleep. "You don’t have to do anything, my love… just be there for me, forgive me, and trust me when I say you’re the most important. You’re the one. Please trust me, whatever he said to you, I would never be unfaithful."

"Of course I trust you, Pippa. I love you." He reached over and turned off the light, feeling her grip at him as he moved away. In the darkness, he settled back in, holding her close to him and whispering encouragements in her ear. Hearing her sighs and sniffles, feeling her body shake in his arms, he felt as useless as he had about the whole evening. But Steve knew sometimes she just had to cry the frustration out.


	6. Chapter 6

After a short night filled with nightmares and sleepless hours, Pippa decided to not let her strange mood ruin the day. She took a long shower even if she felt rather uncomfortable in her own body for no apparent reason, did some breathing exercises, prepared a healthy breakfast with green tea, gluten free biscuits and agave syrup, and decided to use her morning for housework. She wasn’t alone anymore, and she was comforted that now she had someone to be healthy for.

Once done with the chores, she took care of her paperwork, as efficient at home to pay her bills as she was in the office-- half of the mortgage and the water bill, a hard won fight with Steve to pay for even that little. Steve was doing something on his computer, but she wasn't sure what. As she was folding some files she was to send the DMV, the call box rang from a deliveryman, and she went down stairs to meet him.

"Uh, hello, Miss Coulson? I have a bouquet for you." A young delivery man in a green uniform was standing there, a huge bouquet of lilies and daisies in his hand. It was kinda strange because usually, Steve preferred to buy them then bring them home himself, but Pippa thought he probably didn’t want to leave her alone today. He also usually went for pink or red roses, but the choices on the website must have been limited. She didn’t even read the card and raced back up to him, a touched grin on her face.

"Oh thank you, Darling!" she exclaimed as she walked back through the door. "I know I was a bit down, but you shouldn’t have, really…"

"I — I didn’t." Steve scowled when he saw the note, and walked to her. He picked the open card from the arrangement and showed it to her.

_Forgive me, Princess. — Al_

Pippa turned pale when she realized her mistake. For a few seconds it was silent as Steve's whole body seemed to be shaking.

"How does he..?" Steve’s anger and hurt causing his voice to crack. "How does he know where you live n—?” was interrupted by Pippa’s and his phones going off. They looked at each other for a second before reading the same text: [ _Trouble in Manhattan. All available agents report to HQ immediately._ ]

They both quickly changed with Pippa apologizing the whole time, worried that Steve couldn't forgive this. They left out the back way as to not be noticed. Criminals seemed to know the absolutely worst times to attack. Pippa grabbed the bouquet, tossed it to a young man standing on the street.

"Hey kiddo! I don’t want those, give them to your girl… or your boy, whatever floats your boat!"

Steve stayed quiet all the way to headquarters. He was angry that Alan kept coming back like a bad penny, that he continued to ignore Pippa’s wishes, but most of all, Steve was livid that the punk had gotten Pippa to smile when he had failed all night and morning.

He was still fuming, but at HQ when they got their orders, he boxed it away for a few moments. Steve was going with the Avengers, attacking the Doombots while other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were going to work on containment and civilian evacuation of the area. As they walked to the armory, Steve discreetly took Pippa’s hand in his and then leaned in to whisper.

"Be safe. You’re amazing, but you aren’t invincible. Please come back to me, Sweetheart." He gave her a peck as Clint and Bruce were calling over the comms for him to get on the Quinjet. 

"I will, I promise," she said softly before going her way. She could tell this whole story with Alan was getting on his nerves and she wondered how she could both get rid of the bastard and make Steve understand there would never be anyone between them.


	7. Chapter 7

It had taken a few hours to evacuate all the buildings in the area, fortunately now the police knew when to obey the Avengers and didn’t question S.H.I.E.L.D.’s or Captain America’s orders. As the neighborhood was cleared, the agents stayed around the blocks to prevent trespassers but Pippa, Hill and a few other high ranked operatives ran to the core of the fight. Pippa ironically found herself in front of the Met and took a single second to admire Steve as he fought next to the fountain precisely where they had kissed the previous night.

A doombot landed, ready to attack Steve’s back. Pippa aimed for the articulations and shot enough times to dismantle the creature, his energy forming an electric arc with Mjolnir across the street. She winked at Steve and didn’t notice Alan among the group of civilians escorted out of the opera house by Clint and Natasha.

Captain America turned and smiled, giving her a salute for saving him when five new bots arrived, targeting the small framed threat that had taken out their brother. Steve saw she was firing at them but they still advanced, backing her into a closed side alley. She was trapped and even if every shot was dead-on, she wouldn’t have enough bullets for all of them.

When she realized she was in danger, Pippa’s heart accelerated a bit in excitement, adrenaline rushing in her veins. She kept fighting with the rage of lioness, barely remembering her promises to be safe, to come back to Steve alive.

He ran over and flung his shield at them, decapitating two before the shield came back to his arm. He stepped up on the wall to gain some height and then rabbit punched through the third, tearing wires and connections. Pippa had taken out the one closest to her and done some damage to the last one standing, but she was now out of ammo. Steve saw the detonation light blinking on the robot’s back.

"PIPPA GET DOWN!" he shouted and got between her and the bot, covering her crouched body with his larger frame and holding his shield to protect them both. The blast went off, charing everything in the alley but the two of them and the portion of fence the shield had also protected.

After a few moments, Steve moved, unwrapping himself from her, and then immediately touching her arms and back and face. "Are you ok, Sweetheart? Are you hurt?" 

Pippa’s mind raced for the few seconds they remained there. She couldn’t focus. Just as the explosion went off, she relished how Steve felt pressing her against the wall, his short breath, the drop of sweat that fell on her nose, all reminding her of him when they made love.

“I’m ok,” she answered breathlessly.

“ _Did yours blow up too, Captain?_ ” Thor asked over the comms. Steve touched at his ear, the slight ringing from the blast still bothering him. He figured Pippa’s must be a hundred times worse.

"Yes, what—?"

“ _I think I took out the queen of this little hive, and you know how drones lose their heads without a leader_.” Iron Man interjected.

"Let us know next time, not everyone is in a protective tin can."

“ _Lectures for later, Cap. Now is the time to celebrate, we won._ ”

Steve helped Pippa up, making sure she was steady enough that she could stand, but not really wanting to let her go. After a moment, she grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. It was a promise and a plea for more later. She was sometimes scared to be so thrilled by action and violence but in the heat of the moment she couldn’t help being turned on, even more now that she had a lover to share that with her.

"Okay," she announced to the whole team. "Debrief in one hour!" She removed her earpiece and added with a feral grin, "And you— debrief you later. A really complete debrief, if you read me.”

Lost in the post-fight adrenaline and their slightly dulled senses, they didn’t see Alan at the front of the alley watching them with a malicious smirk on his face. Nor did they see Natasha and Clint watching Alan and exchanging a quick meaningful glance and small head nod. 

Alan had snuck over to the area when he heard Captain America shout her unusual name, watching the fight unfold and snapping pictures with his phone. He quickly crouched behind a dumpster as Pippa and Captain America left the alley and got into one of the many vans marked with a stylized bird. He had always suspected that it was her nature to be unfaithful, and without him to keep her reigned in, she had come to this. 

If she kissed the superhero like that, she obviously didn’t really love her little Brooklyn boy toy. This was better than he could have hoped for, and Alan quickly devised a little plan. Steve would be so angry seeing the pictures Alan took of her with Captain America, he’d break off the engagement with her. And if there was anything more with the superhero, he would certainly lose any interest once he discovered how manly she still was. Then Pippa would come back to him again, now more feminine and perhaps more obedient and humbled by the whole situation.

The cellist hummed “Ode to Joy” to himself as he started walking away from the scene, ready to set his scheme into play by having the pictures printed and mailed to the home address his private investigator friend had found for him. Then suddenly, a short redhead and cocky looking blond were right in front of his path.

"I need you to come with us, please." The woman stated, kindly but with a slight edge of finality.

"I’m sorry; I have things I must take care of." Alan side stepped to move around them, but the blond’s arm came up and stuck him with a syringe. His legs and spine turned to butter, and the two of him hooked under his arms, walking him to a van with tinted windows.

"The first thing you’re gonna learn, Alan, is that it’s just easier to give women what they need when they ask nicely," the man coldly announced.


	8. Chapter 8

The debriefing finally started when Clint and Natasha got to the meeting room late. Unlike everybody else, they obviously hadn’t showered— still dirty and disheveled in their fighting suits. Steve’s eyes widened when he saw the blood spots on Clint’s knuckles, unusual for the archer especially as they were fighting robots, but he didn’t say anything as Director Fury started talking.

Pippa spent the meeting listening to every agent’s reports, including Steve’s, while checking suspicious activity logs from other teams worldwide and making progress on her paperwork. Every time she logged onto her personal email account or glanced at her cellphone though, she felt the slight fear of getting unwanted news from Alan. She couldn’t go on like this forever, being nervous to even check her email, she knew she had to do something for her sanity and her relationship with Steve.

So as soon as she left the meeting room, she maneuvered to be alone with the director in an elevator.

"Sir," she started in a serious tone. "I’m dealing with a situation of a personal nature. I’ve tried to compartmentalize it as much as I could but at what level would it be considered a threat for S.H.I.E.L.D. and its classified information? Hypothetically, of course."

Fury raised an eyebrow. “Would that hypothetical threat have dated you just before the battle in New York?”

Pippa hid her surprise, wondering how Fury could know about Alan and their tumultuous relationship. She had only spoke to Natasha and Pepper without revealing too much. "Yes, it might be that person."

"I may only have one eye but that doesn’t mean I can’t see," Fury stated as he crossed his arms. "In those days you seemed almost as unhappy as you were just before your transition. I can’t let my agents’ productivity and capacities be disturbed by personal events, that would be a threat for the world itself."

"Which means…" Pippa hesitated, stunned that the director had valued her work so much he had noticed how miserable Alan made her feel.

"That S.H.I.E.L.D. will cover you if you decide to do whatever it takes to protect the world, Agent, including protecting yourself first. Do what you need to do if it is still necessary, I fully trust your judgment," Fury concluded before he walked out of the elevator. Pippa let out a soft sigh.

\--

“Agent Barton," Steve called in the hallway as a group of trainees was herded past them. Clint turned and beamed at his friend; Steve grabbed his right arm to look closer at his stained knuckles. "Weren’t you and Natasha moving civilians?"

"We were."

"Your report didn’t mention any hand-to-hand combat with one of the doombots."

"There wasn’t."

"Then what happ—?"

"Tasha and I and a few people from around the office just got you and Pippa a little engagement present. That’s all."

"What does that mean?"

"We fixed the little problem you emailed me about this morning." Clint patted Steve’s cheek and started walking away to the locker room.

"Wait…" Steve was thinking back on the email he had sent to ask for advice about Alan’s bothering Pippa. "Clint! What did you do?"

"Don’t worry about it, Cap. He won’t bother her anymore."

”What did you do?” Steve called louder and panicked. His mind raced with the possibilities of what the two assassins were capable of doing. He certainly didn’t like Alan, but most of the things Clint and Natasha were skilled in seemed a bit much.

"An opportunity presented itself and like I told you— we fixed it, Steve."

He was going to press for further details, but the elevator dinged and Pippa stepped out, distracting him. When he turned back, Clint was already gone, the vent’s grate slightly askew. He sighed and swallowed his worry that he may have accidentally put a hit on her ex-lover, there was no use in worrying her until he got it out of Clint what he meant.

"Agent Coulson, do you have more things to take care of here or may I escort you back home?" Steve tried being as professional as he could as more younger agents seemed to be around.

"I’m fine, Captain," Pippa replied politely. "We can go."

She loved when Steve talked to her like a coworker despite their sweet intimacy at home, it reminded her of the first weeks, when they admired each other from a distance. Today though, with all that mess about Alan, she couldn’t help wondering if one day it would go back to being like this permanently. She chased her bad thoughts away as they walked to the garage, still anxious about what she might find at their place since Alan knew their address. Steve’s phone buzzed as she drove them home, a text from Natasha.

[ _We didn’t do anything you wouldn’t have done, Steve. Although with his past, I really wanted to do what I would have done._ ] He let out a small sigh relief, confident that she didn’t think he would have killed the man.

When they found nothing in the mail, in front of their door, or even waiting for them in their apartment, Pippa could finally start to relax a bit. "What does my boy want tonight?" she asked once they had cleared the apartment. "After all of this you deserve everything you want. And an award for being such a great fiancé." She kissed his cheek, let out a surprised "Hm!" when he kissed her lips in return.

His post-battle adrenaline, the memory of her kissing him in the alley, the vision of her sitting in the debrief (so collected, so smart, seeing how all the pieces fit together, where improvements could be made) and all relief made his skin burn with desire.

"What I want tonight?" He picked her up effortlessly, pinning her between his body and the wall. Her legs wrapped around his waist causing her skirt to hitch up higher as he held her ass with one arm and touched her face with the other. Steve looked into her eyes, starving for her attention, her praise, her affection.

"I want to make you unable to think about anything else tonight." He kissed her hard on the mouth, sucking at her bottom lip. "I want to make you moan my name." He kissed along her jaw until he was softly sucking at her earlobe. Panting already, he then whispered in a lower voice, "I want you, Pippa, please."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the smutty chapter if that's something you aren't interested in reading, you can skip it.

Pippa squeezed her thighs around Steve’s waist, only realizing now she had wanted this since their passionate kiss in the street but wouldn’t have voiced it if Steve hadn’t made the first move. That was unlike her. But as she kissed Steve back, a faint memory of Alan echoed in her mind. ‘Don’t be so demanding, that’s not feminine… don’t ask first.’ It drove her crazy that he could still sometimes unconsciously influence her.

"And you think all you have to do is kiss me with that filthy mouth of yours and I’m gonna give myself to you, just like that?" she teased, popping her shirt open. She waited until she saw for a split second the look of worry on Steve’s face. "Because you’re totally right!"

She laughed when Steve lifted her higher and kissed the sensitive skin of her stomach. She needed to forget the past few days, to stop thinking. She had removed her shirt, shoes, and bra by the time Steve had taken her to the couch. Her hands were everywhere on him, kneading, groping, touching.

"I love you so much," she whispered against his ear like a secret. "Never ever loved anyone like this."

He pulled back and with a slight growl responded, “Good because you’re mine.” He unfastened her skirt with a simple snap of his fingers and then slipped it along with her lace panties down her legs. 

Steve slipped down to his knees in front of her and pulling her to the edge of the seat. He reached up to kiss her once more before kissing down her throat, her chest, her waist, and her thighs. He kept his eyes on hers as he pushed her legs up and apart.

"And I am yours."

He then slowly licked his wet tongue over her exposed hole, becoming more forceful with each lick and kiss. His tongue barely thrust in as she started to relax, relishing in how she tasted of Ivory soap and squirmed under his attention.

Pippa arched and gripped the arm rest, unable to control her moans. She felt so good under his tongue! The first time he had licked her, she had been unable to relax, too nervous that he might not enjoy it and find her unpleasant. But since he had assured her with fiery eyes, “I could do this all day”, she had let herself surrender, at least for this part. More than anything, his own moans while he pleased her reminded her he was no angel, her little guy from Brooklyn.

His finger eventually replaced his tongue and Pippa let out a series of soft obscenities. Even without looking at him she could feel his loving gaze and his smirk.

"More… please, Ste—Stevie, more," she begged until a second long finger joined, stretching her further. Right now she couldn’t have thought about anything but him and the pleasure he was giving her.

Despite her pleas, Steve was determined to take his time, trying to go slowly and prolong the foreplay as long as she would let him. But he knew eventually he would cave in to her demands, unable to deny her anything.

He sucked hickeys on her inner thighs pausing only to lick and add more wetness to his fingers rubbing inside of her, trying to find the spot that made her arch and cry out. His own clothes were starting to feel too warm and tight as his eyes feasted on her. He let his own low pitch moan out when she grabbed his hair, pulling him in closer as he found his target.

Not even sure she should feel sorry, unaware of her strength, Pippa held on to his head like a raft. She panted hard, mouth open on throaty gasps, her head tilted back on the couch. The only seconds in her life it felt so good to be vulnerable, she was on the edge, pleasure building inside her whole body.

"Ah, dontmakemecomeyet, dontmakemecomeyet!" she pleaded. "Please…"

Steve knew her body as well as she did, he kept pushing her, then slowed down before fucking her hard again on his fingers, the sweetest threat he never really executed. When after a long, too long a time, he finally moved up to be on the couch between her already sore legs. Pippa looked up behind wet dark lashes.

"I want something tonight, and I swear I’ll tell you to stop if it’s too much, okay?" She licked her dry lips as she unzipped his pants. "This time, don’t hold back. Gimme the super soldier. Let go. Want you to have a real good one, please."

Steve stopped dead in his tracks. Looking her straight in the eyes, he had to ask, "Are you sure?" She just nodded her head and bit at her bottom lip. He stood and threw her over his shoulder, giving her rump a firm smack.

"Then we can’t do it here. I think we’d break the couch." He carried her to their bed like a trophy, placing her on the sheets then getting the rest of his clothes off of him and onto the floor. Steve looked at her the entire five seconds it took for him to find the lube and coat his cock. She steadied herself on her knees and elbows, arching her back so enticingly.

Steve kissed the space between her shoulders as he slid in and then paused. “You promise to tell me if it’s too much?” He gave a tentative roll of his hips, barely moving at all but seeing her head roll back towards him. “Because, Sweetheart, it’s always real good with this tight little ass of yours.”

Then Steve started moving in earnest, eventually picking up speed and power as she became more pliant. In not having to keep his body in check, he was also more free with his emotions as well. He rested his head on her shoulder, taking in her scent, the taste of sweat on her skin. His vision was blurry as he tightened his arm around her chest, holding her as his hips pivoted.

His foreplay had been just perfect and Pippa simply loved how she could take him without pain. He was rock hard and made just for her, she couldn’t see a way to make his thrusts more satisfying.

When he sped up and held her tighter though, giving her sensations she didn’t know, Pippa realized she really was playing with fire. Fortunately she wasn’t the kind of girl such thoughts could stop, it only made her eager for more. He was now fucking her faster and harder than he had ever dared to before, but still not the max he could do.

"You’re my girl; I won’t lose you, not when I just found you,” he repeated like a mantra into her skin.

Feeling she would come within seconds if he went on like this, Pippa reached her open hand back on his stomach to stop him. Her body was both aroused, needing more, and already tired after the long day, her thighs weak under her.

"If you’re gonna be romantic my prince, then…" she said in a hoarse voice, rolling on her back. "I wanna see your face." She smiled and kissed him as he added more lube. "I love you… love you so much, there’s no way you’ll lose me…"

But as soon as he resumed his thrusting, she could feel it wasn’t going to make her last longer. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, the way his lashes fluttered when he slid inside her, his blurry eyes, the sweaty strands on his forehead, the blush on his shoulders. On her back, having nothing to do but relax, roll her hips to meet him, and watch him move, Pippa felt like a bomb, ready to explode at anytime. She knew she was asking for too much and she’d probably regret it later, but she wanted to know the real Steve, all the strength and power he always kept inside.

"Fuck me harder, Stevie, now’s the time," she warned, gripping his shoulders. She lifter her legs higher around his waist and gave his ass a loud slap, growling. "Now!"

Steve’s hands clamped on her hips, his fingers digging into her soft flesh as he went harder and faster, holding her still. He felt her body tense under him, and with that overwhelming sensation, he lost his rhythm and howled her name as he came.

Pippa’s name had never sounded so good, making her pleasure even more intense as she came with loud moans, her nails anchored in Steve’s flesh. Her body was radiating heat when he slowed down but her strong legs prevented him from pulling out or get off of her. “Stay here,” she ordered, trying to catch her breath. “…’sokay. Not too heavy.”

It was a lie, he was way too heavy, and she was already feeling sore in the middle of her back from too violent thrusts but she loved this. Pushing her limits, playing dangerous games, taking controlled risks.

"Now that’s what I call a good fucking anniversary!" she laughed happily.

He laughed into her hair, trying to support himself with his arms but her hold on him making it difficult. Steve whispered how beautiful she was and kissed her wherever he could reach with his lips.

"I almost lost you today," he sighed as he ran his fingertips over the contours of her face. "I… I don’t like that feeling."

With each breath Pippa felt her breasts press against Steve’s chest, as close as they could be. She kissed his palm, touched by his worried tone.

"You wouldn’t love me if I wasn’t so reckless. You love me because I run towards danger with a gun in my hand and no ammo, and… you love me, hm…" she pondered, poking his pink nipple. "… because I love you too, and I said I would marry you. Aaand… what else?” She kissed the tip of his nose with a teasing smile. “Because I let you play with my tiny boobies whenever you want?”

"No. I love your bravery, but I don’t love you _because_ you are brave. And I would love you if you didn’t love me if you had rejected me. And…. ” He slowly rocked his hips, trying to shift his body weight off of her. Everything about his movements were the opposite of what they had just done- soft and gentle and slow.

"…you certainly do not let me play with your wonderful breasts _whenever_ I want because during half of the meetings we have at work, all I want to be doing is sucking on them. But do I get to? Oh no.” He saw a drop of sweat fall from his body on to hers, and carefully leaning down, he licked it’s trail up her cleavage and then sucked at her nipple until he pulled off with a pop to prove his point.

"I love you because you are magnificent, and I simply don’t know how to not love you.” 

She shivered under his gentle touch yet she couldn’t look him in the eyes, even after six months, when he said such sweet things. She brushed her nose on his and whispered against his lips, “I don’t deserve you, but you’re right. I’m not gonna let you do everything you want at S.H.I.E.L.D., you ought to faithfully obey your handler, remember?” His slow rocking was starting to pick up again, and she could feel him already set for round two.

“Hey, hey young man,” she giggled and placed her hands at his chest, “will you give your old lady some time to recover?” She then insisted with a wicked smile, knowing how he hated when she talked like that.

"I am sooo old… so ancient!" she complained, placing a dramatic hand over her heart. "The times when I could do it twice in a row are long gone."

"You can’t be ancient; what would that make me? You are half my age, practically a little brat," he teased and tickled at her sides and down her legs still wrapped around him, keeping him pinned in her.

"Please, you have to let me up," he begged in her ear, sucking at her earlobe. "It feels too good; it’s practically torture to stay still in you."

"Torture you say?" she teased as she finally unfolded her legs to let him go. "Perhaps I should start doing this during interrogations?"

She giggled at Steve’s outraged face and rolled against him. She felt good, loved and prettier than ever even if she was a sticky mess. “Thank you for being so perfect,” she mumbled against his throat.

As she wriggled to place the sheets over herself, she groaned, holding the small of her back. “Ouch, I however, am not, and can’t say that we’ll do that every day.” 

"Oh my god, Pippa!" Steve’s face paled as he looked down at the bite marks on her legs, the bruises blooming on her skin, the obvious pain she was trying to hide. He bolted to the kitchen and returned with the first aid kit, a damp washcloth, and water.

"You said you would say when it was too much." He opened the bottle of pain reliever and gave her two, then with shaky light touches started cleaning her stomach and thighs. When he saw how the darkest bruise was a perfect hand shape where he had held on to her hips, he gasped.

Pippa silenced him with a finger on her lips. “I said I would tell you and I would have… if it had been unbearable.” She let him clean her, the soft care more pleasant than she would have admitted, and ran a hand on his head. “It’s okay, I knew the risks. I wanted it… I loved it. I’ve been through much worse, remember? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

"Are you sure you’re ok?" He wrapped a cold pack and placed it over the worst looking mark. "I’m so sorry."

"I’m fine. I would have told you to stop if I had been badly hurt, or even scared. But I trust you, I never doubted one second that you would stop if I asked you to. I love you Steve" She sighed and ran a gentle caress behind his year. “And I enjoyed it very much, I promise."

“I love you, Pippa. I just didn’t even realize I was being that rough.” Steve still felt the pang of guilt as he finished caring for her, rubbing tiger balm on the small of her back. He slipped back between the sheets, double guessing his every touch as she snuggled into him. Finally they settled into their normal sleeping position, and even though he was physically exhausted, his mind kept going over her words and trying to reconcile them with what Alan had said the day before. He reached up and brought her left hand to his mouth, kissing at her fingers where she was still wearing his ring.

“I enjoyed it, too,” he confessed with a bit of shame, and felt the blush growing on his face. “I mean, I always enjoy it. Just this time, it was like… like I didn’t have to keep anything back from you.”

Pippa smiled and looked down as he caressed her face. “I know baby. That is what it looked like at least. You seemed to be having a good time. I’m just sorry I can’t really tell how often I’ll be able to handle this.” She snuggled closer, trying not to think how easier it would have been if she had been younger. “It’s not so bad. Rough and intense is good too. We’ll find a way to make it even better, you’ll see.”

She kissed his nose, his face. His arms around her were too light, too cautious. Pippa knew she would have, once again, to reassure him about their relationship and how she loved him, how he could never hurt her. But he also had to reassure her often and perhaps that was the reason they were so good together. Two broken souls, always worried, who looked alike more than they thought.


	10. Epilogue

For two weeks, Pippa didn’t get any news from Alan. She worried every time she opened the mail, every time someone rang at their door, when she received a phone call, when she was told at the office that “someone wanted to see her.” But every time, it was someone else. 

It didn’t seem like him to give up so easily. She had made plans to have him relocated to the other side of the world if he tried again to ruin her relationship with Steve, and for the moment they were useless. Pippa was scared he would show up with something worse as soon as she lowered her guard.

What she didn’t expect was to run into him at the market where she was shopping with Steve. Instinctively, she squeezed Steve’s waist and he tightened his arm around her shoulder. Alan didn’t seem to notice them. Pippa pulled Steve towards another shop but Alan followed them and picked up a melon in his hand to examine it, right in front of them.

"Okay Alan, what the hell do you think you’re doing?" Pippa hissed low, not wanting to start a scene in front of everyone.

Alan looked at them with a confused frown. “Excuse me? Do I know you? A… are you a fan?”

"No. We are not fans. You don’t remember us?” Steve gestured to the both of them, and Alan made a face then shook his head ‘no.’

"I’m sorry. Did we play together somewhere? I’ve played with many orchestras, I can’t keep track of all the musicians I’ve worked with…although I think I would have remembered meeting you." He looked Pippa over, but she stared daggers at him, and his face gave a slight twitch before his eyes darted away.

Steve’s eyes were big as Alan’s tick made him think back to what Clint and Natasha had said about their ‘engagement present’ after the Doombot battle. Was this how they ‘fixed’ Alan?

"Our mistake, you just looked like someone we use to know…" Steve smiled politely and gently pulled at Pippa’s arm for them to leave the shop. "Pippa" he whispered while looking back at a confused Alan. "What do you know about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s memory erasing technologies and techniques… and Clint’s access to them?"

Pippa blinked, raised an eyebrow, giving quick glances at Alan then Steve. She didn’t need more than a few seconds to understand his insinuations and her eyes widened as she almost dropped her grocery bag.

"Oh tell me he didn’t!" Some people were starting to look at them so she took Steve by the arm and pulled him in another street. "We do have several… tricks, of various natures, but Clint is not supposed to have access to them."

“What about Natasha?”

She sighed, looked at Alan who kept ignoring them. Of course she understood why Clint and Natasha would have done this, despite his shyness and her apparent lack of emotions, they cared a lot about Pippa and Steve. 

"Did you know about this?"

"Yes… no… well… Clint just told me that he and Natasha and some others fixed Alan back during the Doombot battle, but I thought they just roughed him up a little. Natasha said they didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done." Alan paid for his selection of melons and was moving away from the shop without looking back at them.

"I had no idea that they would wipe his memory of us," Steve whispered. "Honestly, who gives a mind swipe as an ‘engagement gift’?"

Pippa chuckled at the words ‘engagement gift’. She rested her forehead on Steve’s chest for a few seconds.

"The kind of friends we have?" she smiled. She placed her arm around Steve’s waist, walking back to the crowded street and put on her sunglasses. She felt good today, nobody had been unpleasant, nobody had misgendered her, and she was excited to buy tasty things so that Steve could work his magic for lunch.

"You know," she admitted. "I must say I’m happy it’s over. I was really afraid you’d lose patience and get tired of me… and my past, all my annoying stories…"

"Pippa," Steve sighed, partly exasperated partly teasing but still completely infatuated. "There are many things we can be afraid of, many very real things, but my getting tired of you? All parts of you, your past, your present, your future? My love for you going cold?" He stopped them and leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips.

"That’s simply impossible," he whispered.

Pippa’s favorite line at work was “Don’t tell me it’s impossible!” but she believed this ‘impossible’ more than anything. She let Steve kiss her and smiled. It was impossible he could be more perfect for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wraps up another part of this saga! Please let us know if you are enjoying it. The next installment is actually Thanksgiving centered and as always filled with fluff and angst.


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